Depression, Mental Health

Letting My Light Shine

My therapist asked today what made me decide to start this blog.  In my explanation, I tried to make it clear that I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I think I have any of the answers for them and that I know my limitations.  But, my hope is that by walking beside me through my journey of freeing myself, others might possibly be inspired to begin their own journey.  It is the act of starting and completing your own journey that will free you.   After explaining for several minutes how I am not qualified, (I am always good at explaining how I am NOT ……..) she pulled up the following quote from the internet and read it to me.

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne WilliamsonA Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

I love quotes.  I love seeing how someone, who doesn’t know me,  so deftly reaches into my soul, digs out my feelings, and then, using these stolen feelings, puts them together to form a wonderfully brilliant quote.   Sometimes these quotes just put into words the way I feel.  Sometimes they answer questions that I have not been able to find the answer for.  Sometimes they show me how I am wrong.  Marianne Williamson did all of these in her quote.  I know now that I should not fear my own inadequacies.  There are things that I cannot do.  But, there are also things that I can do.  I should be proud of what I CAN do and I should let my light shine.  This thought is big.  It is foreign to me.  It will take me a while to absorb its true meaning.

I think of my blog in this way – you have two friends, both with bum shoulders.  Let’s call them Sue and Darla.  For eight weeks, Darla drives Sue to physical therapy and sits in a chair and watches Sue go through all the therapeutic exercises.  For eight long weeks, Darla watches Sue get stronger and stronger each week.  At the end of the eight weeks, they are still friends.  But, at this point, Sue is now able to use her shoulder with no pain and Darla still cannot lift a bag of sugar without pain and she complains constantly.  Darla says to Sue, “This is not fair.  We both had bad shoulders.  I’ve gone with you for eight weeks and I’ve watched you do all the exercises necessary to get better.  I know I could do them; they’re not hard.  But my shoulder still hurts.”  “Ahhhh,” says Sue (with the good shoulder), “you have watched me do the exercises, but, have you done the work?  You may have watched me get better, but have you done anything yourself to get better?  Darla, until you do the work yourself, you’ll never get better.”

I’m Sue.  I’m doing the work to get better and you are walking beside me on my journey.  Don’t be like Darla; don’t just watch me.  Dive in.  Open your soul.  Talk to someone.  Do the work.  In the end, we will BOTH be better.  Won’t that be great?

THOUGHTS ABOUT MY THOUGHTS: I am more and more amazed at how many things seem to be building in my life.  One thing happens.  It leads to something else. And that leads to something else again.  A few days ago, I posted a picture to our local county’s Facebook prayer group showing a little girl with a candle.  The inscription on the picture was “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.”  At the time, I had debated posting it to the group, but something told me that it had some meaning.  I see now that it lead me here.

TODAY’S FEELINGS BAROMETER:  This date has always a pretty tough day for me.  While it has been a day of reflection and memories, today has really not been bad.  I feel much more accepting and more forgiving of myself for the past. Does this mean I’m getting better?  This is GREAT!

~~~ Betty