Depression, Mental Health

Unexpected Blessings

There are friends you have in high school that you think will always be just that — a friend. Little do you know that many, many years later, they may become more than just a friend. They may become a lifeline, a confidant, an inspiration, or a person who truly understands struggles that you have. They do not put you down, do not consider you to be weak, do not think that you are inferior because you are in therapy. That person may do something that you totally do not expect. You have absolutely no idea that you are in their heart and their mind. You are totally blown away by a simple thing such as a phone call.

Today, I received one of those FB messenger calls and of course I didn’t have my microphone turned on so by the time I got it fixed, I had missed the call. I started to just not pay attention to it, thinking it had been one of those “clicked the wrong button” things, but ended up sending a message giving my cell number and saying to give me a call if there was something needed. A couple of minutes later, my phone rang and my heart was touched.

This friend said that he had read a while back that I was in therapy. During our coversation, I told him that I was at a point where I just didn’t see any “point” in anything. Bless his heart — he said that there was definitely a “point” and that I just couldn’t see it right now, but that I was to hang on until I saw it. He said that he had run across a book that he thought I might enjoy reading and wanted to drop it by my house.

I’m not one to open a book to page one to begin.  I always begin magazines at the end and read to the front. Don’t know why I do that, but it’s what I do. I think it’s because I’m afraid of beginnings.  To me, “Beginnings” always end with “The End.” I’ve had enough “ends” in my life and try to avoid them at all costs. Well, I opened this book and the page I began reading was Chapter 40, titled “Do You Know Your Worth?” I think that God leads me to the page that is most needed and this was proved to me today. Let me share this short message with you.

Do You Know Your Worth?

Feelings of adequacy or inadequacy indicate how one emotionally evaluates their worth as a person. Thus, feelings of inadequacy occur when you devalue your worth and abilities. What you believe about yourself becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can be sucessful according to this culture’s standards and still have a very low and debilitating view of yourself. The ripple effect of this is significant. Feelings of inadequacy can negatively affect your relationships, cripple your creative and professional pursuits, and can have a devastating impact on your health. If this applies to you, consider journaling about your value and worth, ask others what they value about you, and/or consider going to therapy. Everyone has value. You have value even if you don’t recognize it right now.

I found this passage to be quite enlightening. At my last therapy session, Roz talked to me about how I valued myself and suggested that I choose 7 people and ask them to describe me in one word. And of course, I did not do it. (Maybe that’s why I’m still in therapy.) I spent my childhood, my teen years, and much of my married life being told and believing that I was not worthy, not a good person, not deserving.  After all those years, I believed those words each time I was told them and each time I thought about them. Believing those words became my truth and no matter how many times Roz or anyone else tells me differently, I cannot get past “My Truth”. I know that I have a good heart. I do know that. I know that I love people and want to be loved. I know that I’m a loyal friend and will do anything to help someone else. I know that I have a HUGE problem with trust. Once that trust is broken, it is over. I can forgive, but I will never trust you again. And to me, love cannot happen without trust. I know that God loves me and is there at all times for me. I know these things in my heart. It’s just my head that does not believe that. Or maybe it’s my head that knows these things and it’s my heart that won’t accept it.

Whatever it is, I know that receiving this phone call today and being given this book, “Choose You – Reignite Your Passion for Life” by Dr. Rachel Mitchum Elahee, means something. Out of the blue, with no reason at all, this person reached out to me to let me know he was thinking of me and cared. Thank you, Rudy Hicks. I love you.