While reading a post today on Slay Girl Society written by a guest contributor, Tanya Mathieu, I came across a very interesting article about tools that Tanya uses to help her through rough times. She speaks of Perspective, Faith, and Nutrition. I was especially interested in her outlook on Faith.
Faith is something that I have struggled with as far as my depression goes. I have been told by so many people to just “turn it over to God” and He will remove my depression. I have a problem with this. In fact, I have a problem when anyone says to turn anything totally over to God. It is quite possible that I am totally wrong in my thoughts and in my Faith, but I just don’t believe that God will do this without any input from me. I don’t think that He will just snap his fingers and Poof, it will be gone. I believe that He expects ME to do some work — along with Him — in order to resolve this problem. I just don’t know what kind of work I must do.
Eight years of psychotherapy has not resolved it. That’s a fact. Personal study has not resolved it. That’s another fact. Medication has not resolved it. Yep, another fact. Prayer hasn’t been the answer, either. So, what is the answer? As I have been told, I will live with this for the rest of my life. I will have periods of time when I am able to hold my depression at bay, and there will be other times when it will rage. It is up to me to find those coping mechanisms that will allow me to function during those raging times.
As I sit here and type these words, a thought keeps running through my mind. That thought is that perhaps Faith IS the answer during those raging times. Perhaps those times are when I am expected to use my Faith in the belief that while God will not remove my depression, He will give me the Peace to function. Is that the answer? Is that what I am lacking? Is it that during those terrible times, I just have not “turned it over to God”? Am I looking for some magical or Godly cure of having my depression disappear when I should be looking for Peace — that Peace that only He can give to me during those times of rage? Perhaps the work that I think I must do is actually as simple as my choosing to put my Faith into action. Perhaps I can simply believe that through my depression, God is showing me my worth. Maybe this is how He is letting me see that I am here for a reason. Maybe He is letting me use my depression to open up to others. Maybe He is using this to show me that I am truly loved.
Hmmmmm…….I have a lot to think about.
THOUGHTS ABOUT MY THOUGHTS: Isn’t it funny when we struggle looking for some huge, deep reason as to how or why something happens when it’s really quite simple? I think that I think far too much.
TODAY’S FEELINGS BAROMETER: It’s been a great weekend and I’m still riding on a high.