Let me first say that I LOVE YouTube. You can find anything and everything on YouTube. It started out where I just watched music videos. Then I moved on to videos about sewing and crocheting. And then, cooking (as if I still did that –haha). Then I got hooked on watching court trials — man, there are some good ones on there! Then, last week a couple of friends and I got to talking about those folded football things that kids used to use in school to write notes on. I asked them if they remembered how to fold them and nobody did. Then, it hit me — I was sure that I could find a video on YouTube that showed you how to do it and sure enough, I can now fold paper into those football things. My life is complete. HaHa
As I was browsing around one of the channels of a lady, Darlene, who I love to watch sew, I found one of her videos about the anger she had felt when reading some posts about her videos and in receiving mail. I thought, “What the heck” and began watching. The beginning of the video was pretty much what I expected, and then — wham, she was talking about ME! Not that I had left a response to her videos, but her feelings about life pretty much were my own feelings. By the time the video was over, my heart was breaking for her. I was so sad that she felt the way she does and then I began to wonder why I felt so badly for her, but just thought it was a way of life for me. That really got me to thinking.
In her video, which is rather long, but so worth watching, she talks about how it’s hard for her to accept the fact that people are nice to her. Oh boy, did that hit a nerve. One of the hardest things for me to accept is people being nice to me. I’ve tried to explain it before to some people and they just look at me like I’m crazy. I think I’m always waiting for the next shoe to drop and the mean come out. I usually never see the mean, but I expect it, just the same. Darlene also talks about how she has been led to believe her entire life that she’s not good enough, that she doesn’t try hard enough, and that her feelings are not real. Each of those feelings hit home with me, also. As I’ve said before, I know in my heart that I am good enough, but in my head, there is always that feeling that I’m not. And my head NEVER turns off. After years and years of being told that I was not good enough, I sadly came to believe it.
It would take forever for me to explain all the parts of her video that touched me so I won’t try. Just watch it when you have some time and perhaps it will help you understand why some people are the way they are. Or at least why I am the way I am.
There are many of us out there who want nothing more than to be accepted just as we are.
Thoughts about my thoughts: I knew as soon as I saw this video that I wanted to share it. Darlene does an excellent job in explaining how hard it is for some of us to “do” things.