Well, it’s Monday again. Time to get motivated.
In all honesty, it’s been time for me to get motivated for the last month. It’s been a tough month. That old Devil has been working on me. Nightmares, living in the pit of depression, anxiety, isolation, not sleeping, feeling like crap, not liking anyone or anything, terribly tough therapy sessions, finding it exceedingly hard to pray, and just not caring about anything — all of these things have been wreaking havoc with my mind and my soul.
I wake up many mornings with high expectations and almost immediately those feelings change. I’m not sure what happens. Living alone, I can’t blame it on anyone else. It has to be me. I can’t blame anyone except myself.
Today has not been any better. Had a tough night last night. Kept waking up with feelings that my heart was racing and with a feeling of doom. Seemed like each time I’d drift off, I’d start dreaming again and would immediately awaken with those same feelings. I hate, hate, hate nights like that. They just ought not to happen. But, they do. And I don’t know how to change them.
Just as I was about to sign off of Facebook this evening, I saw a post made by my Pastor’s wife. It was a link to her granddaughter’s Facebook page, TruePurpose, and it has truly touched me. Thank you, Joyce Drawdy, for sharing with all. And thank you, Ashton Drawdy, for being such an inspiration to me and to others. May God continue to bless you.
The following comes from Ashton’s FB page.
God is not looking for your ability, He’s looking for your availability! – First5
Are you feeding yourself with the lies of the enemy? Do you agree with the lies that you are not good enough, qualified enough, or smart enough to do the things the Lord has called you to do? You see God doesn’t look at what man sees. God is looking for someone who is willing to give themselves to Him so He can equip them! Through God you are good enough, qualified enough, and smart enough!! Make yourself available to the Lord and watch Him do the most amazing things in your life!!
Hebrews 13:21- may He equip you with all you need for doing His will. May He produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ,every good thing that is pleasing to Him. All glory to Him forever and ever!
As I read this, I was reminded of something a friend said to me in church a few weeks ago. As usual, I was crying and wasn’t sure of the reason. Elaine told me to just trust God and to let him lead me in what He wanted me to do. Of course, I immediately began telling her how unqualified I was to do anything for God (my usual response when I have any thoughts of doing anything worthwhile) and began putting myself down. I’m very good at that! Of course, Elaine tried to support me and convince me that I was worthy of anything I attempted. As I walked away from her, my thoughts were, “Oh, she just doesn’t understand how unqualified I am!”
As I watched the video that Joyce linked to on Ashton’s page, I was again reminded that I am unqualified. As the video ended, I scrolled down her page and stopped at Ashton’s post from February 10th and Wham! The first thing I saw was her line — “You see, God doesn’t look at what man sees. God is looking for someone who is willing to give themselves to Him so He can equip them!” That line — that reminder — that promise — that is what has gotten me motivated. I don’t have to know what I’m doing. I don’t have to be the best. I don’t have to do anything except BE WILLING. My willingness is what can lead to better things!
I am Willing.
Thoughts About My Thoughts: I had no intention of posting today. Even though I said a month ago that I was ready to get back to blogging, I haven’t been able to do it. No motivation, no desire, no reason. But upon seeing the post by Joyce and finding the TruePurpose page and seeing Ashton’s post, I knew that I had to get back to the computer — I had something to say.
Today’s Feelings Barometer: Started out bad, but am feeling much more motivated now.